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Fake friends drain energy, trust, and peace. Sometimes, the best way to deal with their drama is with humor—specifically clever, witty roasts that get your point across without taking things too seriously.

These 250+ funny roasts will help you clap back with style, confidence, and a little comedy check more here : 250+ Genius Ways to Say Take Your Time Professionally

250+ Funny Roasts for Fake Friends to Shut Them Down

Roasts About Fake Loyalty

1. You’re not two-faced—you’re a whole collection.
2. I’d call you loyal, but even Wi-Fi has better connection.
3. Your loyalty is like a coupon—expires quickly.
4. You switch sides more than a broken light switch.
5. You’re the reason trust issues exist.
6. Even shadows stick around more than you.
7. You’re “loyal” the same way plastic plants are “alive.”
8. You disappear faster than my motivation on Monday.
9. I’ve seen weather stay consistent longer than you.
10. You’re loyal… when it benefits you.

Roasts for Backstabbers

1. You don’t stab backs—you run a knife factory.
2. I’d watch my back, but you’d probably aim for the front too.
3. You betray so much you should earn frequent liar miles.
4. You must be tired from all that sneaking around.
5. Betrayal is your side hobby, huh?
6. You’re like Wi-Fi—strong until someone else comes along.
7. If backstabbing was an Olympics sport, you’d go platinum.
8. You don’t need knives—you use your personality.
9. Your betrayal level is “expert mode.”
10. You stab backs like you’re trying to start a collection.

Roasts for Two-Faced Friends

1. With all your faces, you should start charging admission.
2. You switch personalities like TV channels.
3. Are you a friend or a glitching robot?
4. Your two faces both need Wi-Fi updates.
5. Even mirrors don’t know which version to reflect.
6. You’re so two-faced you should join a coin toss.
7. Your personality changes more than weather apps.
8. Do your two faces ever argue?
9. You’ve got enough identities to write your own multiverse.
10. You’re a walking plot twist.

Roasts for Gossiping Friends

1. You talk more than Google.
2. Your gossip comes with its own background music.
3. If drama was a degree, you’d have a PhD.
4. You spread information faster than the internet.
5. You’re a notification nobody asked for.
6. I don’t need tea—your mouth is a whole kettle.
7. You’d gossip with a mirror if no one else was around.
8. You talk so much your voice probably needs a vacation.
9. You’re a walking group chat.
10. You don’t spill tea; you host the whole café.

Roasts for Attention Seekers

1. You crave attention more than a low battery phone.
2. Even GPS recalculates less than you do.
3. You’re a full-time drama employee.
4. Attention called—it wants a restraining order.
5. You’re the human version of clickbait.
6. You’d interrupt a mirror to talk about yourself.
7. You’re louder than my alarm.
8. Even toddlers share the spotlight better.
9. You want validation like it’s a subscription plan.
10. Congrats, you made everything about you—again.

Roasts for Fake Support

1. Thanks for the support—you almost fooled me.
2. You’re helpful like an umbrella with holes.
3. Your support is as real as unicorns.
4. You hype people the way broken speakers play music.
5. You’re the “maybe” of friendships.
6. You help like a loading screen stuck at 99%.
7. If support was Wi-Fi, you’d have no signal.
8. Your encouragement expires instantly.
9. You clap for people like you’re conserving energy.
10. Your support is the diet version: no substance.

Roasts About Their Fake Energy

1. Your vibe changes more than your outfit.
2. You pretend so hard you should win an acting award.
3. You’re faker than a plastic smile.
4. Your energy lasts shorter than my phone battery.
5. You’re so fake even Barbie is confused.
6. Your vibe is like an expired coupon—useless.
7. You’re a “mood” but not a good one.
8. You’ve got big energy—big fake energy.
9. You act friendly like you’re on camera.
10. You bring chaos disguised as “good vibes.”

Roasts for People Who Only Come When They Need Something

1. Oh look—you appeared. Must need something.
2. You pop up like a bad mobile ad.
3. You’re consistent… at being inconvenient.
4. You only show up when benefits are included.
5. You’re a subscription I never asked for.
6. Your timing is suspicious at best.
7. You visit like storms—unwanted and messy.
8. If needing things was a sport, you’d be captain.
9. Your friendship has terms and conditions.
10. I should start charging for my time.

Roasts for Jealous Fake Friends

1. Your jealousy is louder than your personality.
2. I didn’t realize I was in your competition.
3. You envy everything except self-awareness.
4. My success shouldn’t be your crisis.
5. You’re allergic to seeing others win.
6. Jealousy looks bad on you—actually everything does.
7. You compare yourself so much you should work in retail.
8. You’re obsessed with me more than you admit.
9. Your jealousy could power a small village.
10. Worry about your lane—it’s empty.

Short Funny Roasts

1. Relax, nobody’s thinking about you.
2. You’re not special—just loud.
3. You’re confusing, like unsalted fries.
4. Please stay consistent—pick one personality.
5. Not everyone hates you… just a strong majority.
6. I’d explain, but you’d still miss it.
7. You’re the reason instructions exist.
8. You’re boring with extra steps.
9. You inspire disappointment.
10. I’d roast you harder, but I’m saving energy.

Savage but Clean Roasts

1. You’re a cloud—once you disappear, it’s a nicer day.
2. You’re like pennies—no one really wants you.
3. You’re a puzzle piece from the wrong box.
4. You’re not bad—you’re just… unnecessary.
5. You don’t bring drama—you ARE drama.
6. You’re the human version of lag.
7. Even your silence is annoying.
8. You’re proof evolution can reverse.
9. Your presence is a Wi-Fi glitch.
10. You’re not toxic—you’re expired.

Sassy Comebacks

1. I’d argue, but you’re not worth buffering for.
2. Cute story—want a sticker?
3. Thanks for your opinion. It’s wrong, though.
4. I’ll pretend to care—hold on. Nope.
5. You talk a lot for someone with no impact.
6. Keep talking; maybe one sentence will make sense.
7. Your confidence is impressive. Misplaced, but impressive.
8. Your negativity is boring.
9. I’m busy—go disturb someone else.
10. You thought you did something—spoiler: you didn’t.

Petty Roasts

1. You’re not worth a full insult. Half will do.
2. You’re a mosquito—small, annoying, pointless.
3. You irritate the air around you.
4. I’d roll my eyes, but you’re not worth the effort.
5. Your personality expired.
6. You’re a walking typo.
7. I’d say “get well soon,” but you’d need a miracle.
8. Your presence lowers my battery.
9. You’re the type of person autocorrect gives up on.
10. You’re 90% noise, 10% nonsense.

Roasts for Fake Apologies

1. Your “sorry” is as empty as your loyalty.
2. I’ve heard better apologies from Siri.
3. Your apology needs customer service.
4. Even your sorry has lies in it.
5. You apologize like you’re reading from a script.
6. Sorry doesn’t fix repeated behavior.
7. Your apology is the diet version—no substance.
8. Keep your sorry; try honesty.
9. Your guilt lasts shorter than a Snapchat.
10. “Sorry” shouldn’t be your catchphrase.

Roasts for Drama Queens/Kings

1. You don’t bring drama—you ship it worldwide.
2. Your life is a soap opera nobody asked for.
3. You could exaggerate silence.
4. Calm down—you’re not the season finale.
5. You create chaos like it’s your hobby.
6. Drama follows you like delivery tracking.
7. You turn oxygen into problems.
8. You’re a movie—just not a good one.
9. You’re dramatic for free—imagine if you got paid.
10. Even your echoes are dramatic.

Roasts for Hypocrites

1. You give advice you don’t follow.
2. You judge from a very fragile throne.
3. Your standards are imaginary.
4. You’d collapse if you carried your own logic.
5. You switch rules more than referees.
6. You speak like you’re perfect. Spoiler: you’re not.
7. You’re allergic to accountability.
8. You love expectations but hate responsibility.
9. Your morals are under construction.
10. You’re a rulebook that rewrites itself.

Roasts for People Who Lie A Lot

1. Your lies need a GPS—they get lost quickly.
2. You lie so much your truth is suspicious.
3. You’re a walking plot hole.
4. Even fiction writers admire your skills.
5. Your lies need spell-check.
6. You lie like it’s your cardio.
7. Your reality must be exhausted.
8. Your stories need editing.
9. You lie so often your memory disagrees with you.
10. You’re a one-person rumor factory.

Roasts for Users

1. You take more than a broken vending machine.
2. You’re a walking “what can you do for me?”
3. I’m not a resource—find someone else.
4. You drain energy like an old charger.
5. You “need” people more than you “know” them.
6. You collect favors like achievements.
7. You’re a taker with no return policy.
8. Your friendship is a subscription I want to cancel.
9. I’m not your upgrade package.
10. You’re a “friend” with fees.

Roasts for Fake Compliments

1. Your compliments come with attitude included.
2. You say nice things like a broken speaker says music.
3. You’re sweet like lemon juice.
4. Your compliments sound like insults cosplaying.
5. You flatter people like you’re reading from a manual.
6. Save your fake compliments for someone who cares.
7. Your tone and your words never match.
8. I’d say thank you, but… no.
9. Your kindness needs batteries.
10. Even your compliments feel suspicious.

Roasts for People Who Act Too Good

1. You act high-end with Dollar Store energy.
2. You’re classy—if we’re grading on a curve.
3. You walk like you own everything. You don’t.
4. Your ego needs downsizing.
5. You’re “elite” only in your imagination.
6. You’re fancy like plastic jewelry.
7. You act like a luxury brand with bargain quality.
8. You’re the discount version of confidence.
9. Humility called. You hung up.
10. Even your attitude wears fake labels.

Roasts for Fake Nice People

1. Your niceness has an expiration date.
2. You smile like you’re hiding a plot twist.
3. You’re polite like a sales pitch.
4. Your sweetness tastes artificial.
5. You’re nice until someone stops watching.
6. You’re friendly like a pop-up ad.
7. Your smile is Wi-Fi—strong when convenient.
8. You’re nice like a malfunctioning robot.
9. Your kindness glitches often.
10. You’re polite—but not pleasant.

Roasts for Clout Chasers

1. You follow trends harder than you follow morals.
2. You chase attention like it owes you money.
3. You’d post your shadow for likes.
4. You’re one selfie away from collapse.
5. You crave clout like Wi-Fi signal.
6. You’d go viral for blinking if possible.
7. You think popularity equals personality.
8. You’re a fan of yourself—and it shows.
9. You’d sell loyalty for 10 likes.
10. You’re famous… in your own gallery.

Roasts for Overly Sensitive Fake Friends

1. Everything isn’t about you. Calm down.
2. You get offended faster than Wi-Fi disconnects.
3. Your feelings have no chill.
4. You break easier than cheap glass.
5. You hear insults where there are none.
6. Your sensitivity needs updates.
7. You’re soft like Wi-Fi signals in storms.
8. Your emotions have a hair trigger.
9. You take things personally that aren’t even delivered.
10. Your feelings need security guards.

Roasts for Friends Who Can’t Keep Secrets

1. Your mouth has no privacy settings.
2. You’re a walking leak.
3. Your memory is selective—very selective.
4. You keep secrets like a broken lock.
5. Your mouth runs on autopilot.
6. You’re Google without the privacy policy.
7. Secrets with you are public information.
8. You’re a human announcement.
9. You reveal things faster than spoilers online.
10. You need a mute button.

Bonus Roast (#251)
You’re not fake—you’re fully manufactured.

Why Roasts Work on Fake Friends

Humor defuses tension and lets you stand your ground without escalating conflict. A witty roast exposes the behavior without getting overly emotional.

How to Choose the Right Roast

Pick something clean, clever, and fitting to the situation. Aim for funny—not cruel.

When to Use These Roasts

Use them when fake friends push your limits, try to manipulate you, or act two-faced.

Why Humor Helps Set Boundaries

A well-timed roast helps you communicate your limits while keeping the tone light. It shows confidence and self-respect.

How to Roast Without Being Mean

Stick to their behavior—not their personal traits. Keep your tone playful but firm.

Things to Avoid

Don’t roast in front of people who could escalate drama. Don’t insult things people can’t change.

Always Protect Your Peace

Use humor, but also distance yourself from toxic people. Roasts are a tool—not a lifestyle.

Conclusion

Fake friends aren’t worth your peace, but shutting them down with humor can be both satisfying and empowering. Use these 250+ roasts to keep your energy protected and your responses sharp. For more ways to handle toxic people, check out this helpful external guide on setting boundaries:
https://repliescorner.com/how-to-roast-to-your-good-friends/

FAQs

1. Are these roasts too harsh?
No—they target behavior, not personal insecurities.

2. Can I use these in real life?
Yes, just choose the right moment and tone.

3. Are these good for texting?
Absolutely—they’re short, bold, and funny.

4. Will these roasts escalate drama?
If the person is extremely toxic, it might. Use wisely.

5. Can teens use these?
Yes, these roasts are clean and safe.

6. How do I avoid sounding rude?
Deliver them with humor, not anger.

7. What if the fake friend gets upset?
That’s their problem—truth stings.